Where Do I Begin? A Gentle Guide for Women Reconnecting With Themselves
Some women wake up one day and realize they no longer recognize themselves. Or maybe they never did…
When I write about identity, women of all ages and stages often reach out and say, “This is me. I feel so lost. Where do I even start?”
The usual advice—“just do more of what you love!”—falls flat when you’ve spent your whole life disconnected from what you love, from what feels good, or from what you even want.
Here’s a practical yet soulful framework for starting again. These five steps aren’t a formula, but they are a path—a way to begin coming home to yourself with tenderness and courage.
1. Begin with the Body, Not the Brand
Rather than asking “Who am I?” begin with “What do I feel?”
Pause once a day—just for two minutes—and check in with your body. Not your to-do list. Not your reflection in the mirror. Your actual felt sense.
Ask:
Where am I holding tension?
Am I hungry, thirsty, overstimulated, cold?
What sensation am I avoiding?
This is foundational because a woman who is disconnected from her body is also disconnected from her truth. Before you can chase passions, you must learn to inhabit yourself.
2. Watch for the Whispers
Instead of chasing big “aha!” moments, pay attention to what draws you in—a book you keep picking up, a song that stirs something, a conversation that lingers.
Ask yourself:
“What sparks my curiosity—not because it’s practical or impressive, but because it glimmers?”
Reconnection often begins not with fireworks, but with fireflies.
3. Practice Micro-Honesty
If self-reconnection sounds too lofty, start with tiny acts of honesty.
Saying “I don’t know” when you don’t.
Admitting “I’m tired” instead of muscling through.
Saying “no” to the thing you really don’t want to do.
These moments reclaim agency and start to rebuild the bridge between your inner voice and your outer life.
4. Create Without an Audience
This is crucial: try something expressive that no one will see. Write in a journal. Dance with headphones in. Draw terribly.
The goal here isn’t to make something good—it’s to make something that feels yours.
No performance. No product. Just play. This helps undo the social conditioning that identity must be branded, profitable, or palatable.
5. Track What Feels Alive
Keep a simple “aliveness journal” for one week. Each night, jot down:
1 thing that made you feel more like yourself
1 thing that drained you or made you go numb
Patterns will emerge. From there, you can begin to make slow, sacred shifts toward what supports your vitality.
You don’t have to bulldoze your life to find yourself. You don’t have to reinvent the wheel or chase clarity like a finish line. You just have to begin—softly, honestly, imperfectly.
Start where you are. Start with your body, your breath, your quiet little longings. The rest will unfold.
