What Really Happens in an Estrangement Intensive?

Family estrangement is painful for everyone involved. It’s tender, private, and usually full of stories that outsiders will never understand. For some, the idea of sitting in a room with that person—the one who hurt you, or the one you hurt—sounds impossible. Maybe even dangerous.

So, let’s be clear:

An estrangement intensive isn’t about pressuring anyone to reconcile. It isn’t about shaming, fixing, or forcing a happy ending. There are no winners or losers—no “good guys” and “bad guys.”

Instead, it’s about creating a safe, structured space to name what hurts, and to finally be heard—without interruption, without the usual defenses, without anyone trying to win.

How Does a Trauma-Informed Estrangement Intensive Work?

Safety isn’t just a feeling—it’s a structure. Here’s what you can expect:

1. Preparation & Groundwork
Before we meet, I’ll connect with each person individually to learn your hopes, boundaries, and worries. This is your chance to set clear limits about what’s okay and what’s off the table. We’ll work together to identify potential triggers and create grounding strategies you can use if emotions run high.

2. Shared Agreements
At the start of the intensive, we’ll set shared agreements—rules of engagement that protect everyone’s dignity and sense of safety. This includes how we’ll take breaks, how we’ll handle emotional overwhelm, and what to do if someone feels flooded or needs space.

3. Gentle, Paced Conversation
I’ll guide the session slowly, checking in often, and giving space for silence or emotion. No one is forced to answer, defend, or reveal more than they want. We’ll move at a pace that respects everyone’s nervous system, with permission to pause or step out if needed.

4. Focus on Needs, Not Winning
The session isn’t about debating facts or identifying who’s “right.” Instead, we’ll focus on what hurts, what’s needed, and what’s possible now. You’ll have structured opportunities to speak, listen, and respond—without interruption or cross-examination.

5. Built-In Regulation & Support
If the conversation becomes too intense, we’ll use grounding exercises and built-in breaks. There’s no shame in needing to stop, breathe, or step away. Your well-being is always the top priority.

6. Ending With Clarity, Not Pressure
We’ll close with a review of what was named, what needs were voiced, and what boundaries or next steps feel possible. You’ll leave with a written summary or game plan—not a demand for reconciliation, but a concrete sense of what comes next (even if that’s more time and space).

What to Expect

A Contained Environment:
The first gift of an intensive is its boundaries. We set the tone together: what feels safe, what’s off-limits, what each person needs in order to stay present. The goal is to slow everything down, so there’s time to actually hear and be heard.

Naming What Hurts:
You’ll have space to speak your truth, not as an attack, but as a way to clear out the fog. We’ll help you name what’s been lost, what still aches, and what you wish the other could understand. You can be angry, sad, ambivalent—there’s room for it all.

Clarifying Hopes and Limits:
You’ll each have a chance to say what, if anything, you hope might be different moving forward. Maybe you want to rebuild; maybe you just want understanding or closure. We’ll help clarify what feels possible and what would have to change for you to feel safe.

Creating a Game Plan:
We won’t promise “happily ever after”—but we will help you craft a plan. Maybe that’s the next small step, or maybe it’s a clear agreement about boundaries or communication. Maybe it’s simply agreeing on how to move forward separately, with more peace.

No Pressure to Reconcile:
This is your story. Reconciliation is never the goal unless it’s what both people genuinely want. The real goal is honesty, clarity, and respect—so that, whatever comes next, you’re not carrying the weight of words unsaid or needs unmet.

Who Is This For?

Estrangement Intensives are for family members—adult children and parents, siblings, or others—who want a chance to speak honestly about what’s happened and what hurts, without being pressured to reconcile or find a “villain.” This may be a good fit if you:

• Feel misunderstood, dismissed, or chronically invalidated in the relationship

• Struggle with a parent or relative who seems more self-focused than able to truly see you

• Want a safe place to be heard, clarify boundaries, and consider what healing might look like (even if you’re not sure about reconnecting)

This intensive is not for situations involving abuse—specifically, if there has been physical, sexual, or emotional abuse as defined by ongoing patterns of threat, manipulation, coercion, intimidation, or violence. Safety and respect are non-negotiable; if your story includes this kind of harm, a different kind of support is needed.

If you’re not sure whether your story “fits,” reach out and we can talk through what feels safe, helpful, and possible for you.